Friday, December 31, 2010

A New Years Story...

As I sit here, on the last day of what has arguably been the most stressful and yet most influential year of my life, all I can think about are the things that made this year what it was. It had its ups and downs. I met some new people...well, over the Internet...and I lost some old friends. I discovered that not everything in the world was in black and white, and that monsters do exist in the shadows of your room at night. I found...well, I guess my archnemesis, for lack of a better word, and I've had a field day with his dipshits. If I had to say anything, I would definitely say it was a productive year, this year was.

What keeps coming to my mind, however, are the final moments of last year, 2009. We were at an office party of one of our co-workers to celebrate New Years. I really didn't want to go, but I was half-encouraged, half-dragged to the event. My "socializing" for the year.

At one point I remember walking around a house that I had never been to, just trying to find Lizzie and maybe get out of there. Yeah, I worked with them, but as we all know by now, that just means we work for the same boss. And the guy who owned the house had a bunch of people that definitely didn't work for our department. So there I am, trying to find one familiar face among a sea of strangers. But at least all of them HAD far as I know, they did, at least.

I finally found her in the living room with Eric and the host, whoever it was, I honestly can't remember now. It was a formal party, and we were dressed in our best, but even this night she had outdone herself. She wore this black strapless dress that fit her like a glove, she wore contacts that lit her face up better than her glasses ever did, and her hair was wavy and neat. If you asked me then, I would've said she cleaned up well. If you asked me now, I'd say she was the most beautiful thing in that house.

Funny how that works out.

Eric saw me first, and nodded towards me with a smile. She turned, saw me, and waved with that big childlike smile on her face. I waved back with half a grin, just glad I had found familiar faces.

We hung out together in that room for a good hour or so just talking about our casework. December, Christmastime, is just as stressful a month for a cop as any other. Just the other day, I had interrogated a girl-couldn't have been older than twenty- that had three bodies torn apart in her house. Her boyfriend and two other people they had been travelling with. Any holiday month can bring out the best and the worst of people, and we always seem to deal with the worst.

It was around eleven thirty when she and I went outside for a breather. Eric was being entertained by the host's wife telling a joke, so it was just me and her on our own, and it was stuffy as hell in there from all the people practically squished together.

I sat on the lawn chair that for some reason was still on the step while she leaned against the pillar. It was snowing, and some snow had landed in her hair, and it was sparkling off the overhead light. I don't know why I remember that detail's just one of those things that you wished you had acted upon then.

She asked me what I thought the new year would bring. The only thing I could answer was that it would bring the same drunks, addicts, angry amd moronic criminals that it always brought. Days, weeks, months kind of melt together when you see the same thing day in and day out. I didn't put much emphasis on the New Year; yeah, it's the end of the year, but it's just another day.

"What about you?" I asked. "You actually have any of those resolutions?"

She didn't say anything for a while, she just played with this little bracelet she had bought the last time she had went to the mall. It was a small little elastic thing with a heart charm on it. She had that look on her face that she always had on whenever she was sad or thoughtful.

"I want things to go my way this year," she finally said after some time, looking out at the three stars in a curved line that we both knew was Orion's belt. "Get out of my dad's shadow. Maybe crack that one big case that will be the highlight of my career."

"What, and leave me in the dust?" I said, half-jokingly. Only half. "You crack the case and get that big fat promotion and leave me a bitter old man behind a desk?"

"You'd come with me, dork," she said, sticking her tongue out at me. "That's what partners do."

She gave me that cute look she gave me whenever I was actually doing something nice for someone, and I shifted uncomfortably. I hated when she got like this.

"But really," she said, "I want this to be the year something good happens for us. Something more than this day in, day out drudgery we go through. You know?"

I didn't then. I kind of do now. I just wish I could have given it to her.

That New Years night we stayed until midnight to watch the ball count down, then I took her back to my house and whatever happened happened after that. That was the beginning of my 2010.


Was I supposed to know then what was going to happen? Was I supposed to know that she and Eric would be dead less than six months later and I a fugitive from the law? She wanted this to be the year she made a difference with her life...instead she went insane and was carved up like a Jack-o-Lantern. She had one fucking wish...and she didn't get it.

My wish this year?

My wish this year is to find an ending. A silver lining. To make sure she didn't die in vain, and to make sure that everything I've done up to this point hasn't been for nothing. My wish is that I can find the courage to keep myself going, and to succeed in saving these other people when I failed in saving my Lizzie.

That's all I want.

I wouldn't mind getting what I wished for.


Happy New Year, folks.

May you get what you wished for this year.

I miss her.


  1. *consoles Zeke* Loosing some you know and love hurts. I lost my dad when I was about eight, and I still miss him. ~Rose

  2. Zeke, I have faith that if anyone can fulfill the goas you listed, its you.

    Happy new years.

  3. Awwh, Zeke . . . God bless you, man. *sends hugs over the Internet, such as can be managed* Please remember one thing going into this bold new year of 2011: Lizzie may yet get her wish. And you, too. People can make a difference in the world long after their physical forms have worn away. Keep her memory close to your heart always, and you may be surprised at how she can continue to help and guide you. If it makes any difference at all, I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as this new year rolls in.

    My wish is that your New Year is truly a happy one, regardless of the situation. My wish is for Lizzie's and your wishes to come true. God speed, Mr. Strahm, and give the faceless weirdo the bird for me.
    ~The Quick

  4. I don't remember what I was doing last year. But I know what you mean about missing people.

    - M

  5. *nods*

    I remember. What it was like before all of this happened.
    Before him.
    I've killed because of him, almost died because of him.
    I hate all of it, but you know, I've gained friends because of him, so I suppose there's the silver lining.

    Stay safe, this year's not gonna be much better.


  6. Hey Zeke... Lacking the right words to make this just go away, I'll try to give you a spark of hope at least.
    I'll try something, too. Naw, not even attacking or so but... I think I might be able to contribute something to this community which might prove helpful. Something more than ideas and thoughts.

    Please hope and believe, Zeke.

    And a Happy New Year.

  7. Zeke, I am glad that you are still out there and avoided a bad end. There are many of us out here that still support you and wish to help. I am personally offering you any assistance that you need. Not only that, but I have begun my own investigation. Perhaps, if I have him chasing after me, you'll be able to start getting things together. Please, if you can, follow my blog, see if anything I learn can help you, or if you learn anything new, you can help me as well. My blog is titled Into The Truth.

  8. Zeke, I hate bothering you, however, I was told you suggested that the government knows about Tall and Faceless, and is covering hi/it up, and I've been having visions.

    If it's not too much, look over my blog and tell me what you think.

    If not, then that's alright as well.

    Eyes open, stay safe,


  9. Fuck Zeke,
    I thought you went crazy. It makes me happy I found out your alive. Theres not much runners can but find out more when they're already on the run.

    Happy your still sane,

  10. Christ, this evokes...a lot. It's unfair, isn't it? I mean, what did we ever do? What did our loved ones ever do?

    And of course, that's the problem. We assume overarching justice is inherent to the universe. A right to fairness, safety or happiness which is entirely a social construct.

    And HE doesn't concur with our indulgences.

  11. Zeke, you're a seriously tough dude. I'm so sorry about her. Don't dwell. Fight him for her.

  12. Oh... I remember last Year's New Year's... 2011, I mean.

    8.5 months pregnant, I walked 40+ blocks home in a snowstorm from the hospital in Minnesota. My son's father refusing to get me because, and I do not kid, leaving his girlfriend's party to bring me home would be rude to her.

    I remember that night very well. I cried the whole walk home with Braxton-Hicks and ankles so big I couldn't touch my fingertips around them.

    I will never forgive him for that. Never.